Monday, February 13, 2012

Another day passes...

I'm feeding her with an eyedropper now, just to get something in her stomach.
She's barely even opening her mouth.
I'm worried that even that is hurting her.
She looks so miserable.
But this is my friend, my baby, my kitty.
I can't possibly make a decision.
Am I selfish thinking that she'll get better? Letting her go on like this?

I don't know what to do...


My poor sweet little girl... <3

22 comments:

  1. Two Christmas ago I had to make two decisions. One, my girl with kidney failure. Then, two weeks later, my old boy fitting every few minutes. However hard it is for you, ask yourself, is there any chance she will get better? Are you keeping her going for her, or you? You know it's going to tough, but after the tears there will be relief that your stress and worry are over. I held both mine in their last moments, stroking them to the end before I let my tears flowed. I don't know where I got the strength from, but I'm glad I did it. Be strong and cherish the wonderful life you have shared with her. The more you care, the greater it hurts, but care is a good thing. Best wishes X

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  2. Kittykye, I've been woefully behind in my blog reading, and am just now catching up with you. I'm so sorry that Yoko isn't doing well. My heart and thoughts are with you. ::hugs::

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  3. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard to let go of a pet. She'll let you know if she needs you to help her let go. Give her a kiss and a good scritch from me!

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  4. Sending you many hugs in this difficult time...

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  5. Sam, Zorro and BelloFebruary 13, 2012 at 4:28 PM

    I am sorry to only be learning of your blog at this difficult time but my thoughts are with you. You will do what's right for you and Yoko, it's not about anyone else. Blessed be, little girl.

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  6. I came over from Love and Hisses and am so sorry that your beautiful girl is doing so badly. It seems from your account that you need to let her go -- she is clearly a wonderful, lovely being and friend and needs you to make the right decision. She'll always be with you, and anyone who's met her through your blog will find forgetting her impossible. I'm very sorry to have to weigh in like this. -- Kerry

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  7. I went through this with my dear Kitters. Please remember that it is about them...not us. I remember making the decision and crying my eyes out. It is about love and mercy. My girl got down to 4.8 lbs. The vet said that he thought I waited a bit too long. I loved (and still love) her so much.

    Bless you and God be with you and your baby.

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  8. Oh, I just started crying buckets just now because this took me back to how I was feeling three years ago to when I had to decide what to do for my dear sweet cat Jack. It was clear he was failing, and that some previous health issues had come back to haunt him -- this time for good.

    People told me that I would know what to do -- that he would look at me, and I would see in his eyes what I should do. But I didn't see, and I didn't know!!

    I just cried and cried for several days as I held him and tried to comfort him. He would purr, but just a bit, and I knew it was all he could manage. He looked so tired that it just broke my heart right in two. He barely moved at all from his perch on the arm of the sofa. He really couldn't even groom himself anymore, because of weakness and swelling in his abdomen. It came to a point that he wasn't even interested in tuna or chicken anymore.

    Finally I made a last-ditch appointment with a specialist at the vet hospital where Jack had had two previous surgeries. The specialist kindly told me there was nothing more that could be done for Jack, but didn't push me into any decision. I asked for a few minutes alone, and finally I knew what I had to do -- it was time to let him go. He wasn't himself anymore, and it was ripping me apart to see him in his current condition. So I told the doctor, and they prepared what would be needed. I held Jack and told him I loved him, and while he was in my arms, he passed away.

    It was the hardest thing I've ever been through, and the first pet I'd ever lost. Thank goodness I still had his sister with me -- and, at the ripe old age of 18, she is still with me, and I can't even think about losing her!! Although of course I know the time is coming.

    As for Jack, I still mourn and miss that dear cat. So I understand your grief and pain about Yoko, and sympathize with your indecision about what to do. All I can say is that I hope that things proceed in a way that you can be in peace with, if not immediately then eventually.

    Many, many kind wishes...
    --Heidi in Illinois

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  9. I came over from love and hisses. What a beautiful kitty yoko is. It is a hard thing when we see our pets going through things like this, but they have a way of letting us know when it is time. Many hugs to you and your family (and yoko!).

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  10. ((Kittykye and Yoko)) many hugs and gentle pets to you at his difficult time.

    Joyce

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  11. So sorry to hear what you are going through. My heart aches for both you and Yoko.

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  12. I am so sorry! I'm sending hugs and purrs. You are both in my thoughts.
    (I found my way from Love & Hisses.)

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  13. So hard.. End of life is the most difficult part of owning a cat, but we all agreed to it when we took in pets, as we knew they would not outlive us.

    I have gone through several end of life issues with several different cats.

    Em is the one I want to share with you though. She had cancer, and fought it so valiantly. She did NOT want to go. Every time I thought the struggle was too much for her and called the vet to make the appointment she would get up from where ever she was, march over to me while I was on the phone and meow at me - saying NO!! not yet!!! I swear I made that appointment five or six times before the vet finally showed up. That last time she still did not want to go, even getting up and walking away from the vet to make her point. But the cancer had weakened her so badly that she ended up falling over and losing control of her bladder. I hate that I had to force her to leave her body against her will, but it was time.

    After that I had a session with an animal communicator who told me that Em was so happy now, and if she had known, she wouldn't have held on for as long as she did. As much as I hated "shoving her through the door" I know it was best for her. It was not what I wanted, it was not what she wanted, but it needed to be done.

    You could keep Yoko around until her body gives up, but is really a life? Only you can know for sure. You are with her, listening to her, and hopefully understanding what she wants and needs. May that message be very clear which ever way it is.

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  14. It has been almost exactly 10 year since my 20 year old tortie went through a lot of the same stages. She was frail, and had some other issues over the years but when she refused food when she never had before she was telling me it was time to go.

    I don't think you have to worry about forgetting her.

    My sympathies - I know it is hard.

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  15. Cats try to hide their pain. It is a survivor instinct from the wild. Yoko is in more pain than you are aware.

    I know you are going through so much heartache right now. It is so hard to let them go. Hugs to both of you.

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  16. I am so sorry. It's an awful, hard situation to be in. When my Pan was dwindling a few years ago, I wrestled with the same problem, and was so fearful that I wouldn't know when it was time to make the call. He was barely eating a thing, but he still seemed happy to sit at the window in the sun, and to sit on my lap and purr. Finally he wasn't able to jump up, even a foot off the floor, to get up there, and at last I KNEW it was time. His health wasn't good, but his spirits were good until the end.

    I hope that you, too will get that gift of knowing when it is really time.

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  17. Hi kittykye. I came from Love and Hisses. I'm so sorry about little Yoko. From everything I've read about her condition, I would say it's time to ease her out of this life. It's a hard and heartbreaking decision. I've had to make it twice in recent years and it ripped me apart each time. But you need to think of Yoko. If she's going into kidney failure and worse, her poor body is being put through the wringer. If she's not able to get around very well, and isn't eating and whatever else, she's depending on you to put your feelings aside and help send her on to the Rainbow Bridge. I know how hard it is and I'm so sorry that you're hearing this from a stranger. But my heart is going out to you and Yoko. I'll be facing my third death of a cat soon. He's 19 years old and I watch him every day for signs that he's ready to go.

    Just think of what's best for Yoko and you'll make the right decision. She doesn't deserve to suffer what she's going through.

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  18. I have been there (twenty-something precious tortie). It is hard, but we are fortunate that we can end their suffering when they are no longer happy.
    Give her lots of love and care for as long as you feel you should, you'll know when it is time to say goodbye.
    Beth P.

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  19. I came over from Love and Hisses and am so sorry that your beautiful girl is doing so poorly. In May I lost my beautiful 2 yr old Golden Retriever to IMHA an auto immune disease. I was devastated and spent many hours on line in the following weeks looking for answers. The most healing resource I discovered is an on line chat community at http://aplb.org the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. Their daily 2 hour chat rooms have moderators that are trained in helping people thru the loss of a beloved pet. All the moderators have been thru the agony of pet loss. The others in the chat are currently working their way thru the grieving process. There is no judgment, just support. They also have a good section on Quality of life http://aplb.org/resources/quality_of_life.html [you have to scroll down to see the text, they are having formatting problems] It starts out “When we decide to have a pet we take on a complex responsibility and covenant to protect and be there for it — in every way. The time may come when he or she grows sick or infirm, and it is our unavoidable duty to do what is best for the pet, despite the heartbreak that may bring to us, personally. In doing that, euthanasia is our last and most profound act of love and stewardship. In making that terrible moral decision we must step beyond our own feelings, and do what is best for the pet. And it now all comes down to quality of life.” They offer a list of quality of life assessments: Pain, hunger, hydration and so on.

    I am a palliative care nurse and I see technology prolong death for people all the time. Somehow I found it more painful loosing a pet. Since my pup died I have spent a lot of time reflecting on loss. [I have a 13 yr old Siamese and a 10 yr old Golden who had cancer surgery last June.]

    If it helps this is where the journey brought me. Every thing dies. The truth is they all die too soon. My job is to give Merlyn and Harpurr the best quality of life and the easiest death, not the longest death. Medicine is very good at prolonging death. Just because the technology is there does not mean we have to use it. Personally, I believe it is especially cruel to take a pet that has lived a long life and give them chemo or use extraordinary measures to extend their life. Believe me deciding to put my young golden down was so painful I have cried for months and am in tears as I write this.

    Also helpful was a book is "Saying Good-bye to the Pet you Love" by Lorrie A Greene. The author is has been doing pet bereavement counseling for decades.

    My heart goes out to you. How lucky your kitty is to have you and your kind heart!

    Harpurr’s Mom

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  20. This poem was comforting too

    Poem For Cats
    And God asked the feline spirit
    Are you ready to come home?
    Oh, yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
    And, as a cat, you know I am most able
    To decide anything for myself.

    Are you coming then? asked God.
    Soon, replied the whiskered angel
    But I must come slowly
    For my human friends are troubled
    For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

    But don't they understand? asked God
    That you'll never leave them?
    That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
    That nothing is created or destroyed?
    It just is....forever and ever and ever.

    Eventually they will understand,
    Replied the glorious cat
    For I will whisper into their hearts
    That I am always with them
    I just am....forever and ever and ever.
    Author Unknown

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  21. I just went through this, exactly this, including the eye, with our precious Natasha back on January 19th, when we decided it was time to send her over the bridge. Actually, she decided by looking us in the eye, and we knew.Yes, it hurts, but it does ease. We will not forget her, and we can share your pain.

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